Winning Isn't Everything - The Welling United Fanzine

The Welling United Fanzine

Sunday 17 December

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Dear Mr & Mr Hobbins,

Although I was unsuccessful with my last application for the post prior to the Kevin Hales era, I would like to reapply for the managerial vacancy at Park View Road. After over 20 years following the Wings I feel that I am eminently qualified to do the job and would like to outline some changes that could be introduced.

Goalkeeper
The present incumbent is too inconsistent and is more likely to concede from thirty yards than he is from three. It would help too if he concentrated on his football career rather than boxing. I like the bloke who played at Reading in the F.A. Cup - commanded his area, marshalled his defence, caught everything - whatever happened to him...

Defence
Now I have discovered this new concept which you may or may not have come across. Apparently it is all the rage in football these days and is called a "flat back four." Only trouble is we only have a right back and maybe one centre half so there are still two spaces to fill. A fast centre back would be handy and a left back although I think they may be extinct because I haven't seen one of those at Park View Road in years.

Midfield
Now every side needs a ball winner type in the middle but two is overdoing it a bit. Of course it would help if, on the rare occasion that they do get the ball (legally), that they don't immediately give it back to the other team. Of course we may need another left sided player and my mate Sven tells me that they are not that easy to come by at the moment. The captain looks like a fair player so I would keep him and I've also heard about some chap called Standen (or should that be sitten) I believe he is a young lad who changes his hairstyle a lot and likes kissing his shirt but, heck, if its good enough for the England captain then its good enough for me.

Forwards
The lad from Gravesend looks a good player and should be a 20 goal a season player so we need someone to play alongside him. At the moment we have a 38-year old who is good in the air, holds the ball up well and scores his fair share and a young lad who has some pace and plenty of effort but gets frightened when he gets near the goal. Perhaps we can merge these two together and make a more than decent striker.

So there you have the solution to some of the problems at Welling. Naturally I would want my own backroom team who might actually shout something worthwhile during the game. In addition I would play as many players as possible in their proper positions. It is also imperative that we improve on the discipline and I would insist on a 24-hour booze ban (that is 24, not 2.4) before all games. If my application is unsuccessful then please pass this on to the poor b****** (sorry, lucky man) who eventually gets the job.

Yours in anticipation,

Mr W. Socks.